Cate looks for Lyn and finds her in the chapel.
Location: Chapel -- Vanguard
Related Scenes: None
Scene Number: 1106
Lyn has been hiding out in the chapel since the altercation in the Head. Jonas was never very religious, and neither was she, so it's unlikely she would run into him here. She hasn't been sleeping much anyway, so she just parked herself here with a tablet and what looks like a protocols manual of some sort. She's seated in the back-most row, intently scouring the manual in a section that appears to be about requesting a transfer. She's in her off duty tans, the jacket off and hanging off the end of the pew. She looks exhausted, worn out, and over it all.
Cate had looked for Lyn earlier when she heard about the gossip, but gave up after coming up empty at the usual haunts. She looks like she hasn't slept either, and looks a little surprised to find Lyn here. "Hey," she greets, coming to the edge of the pew row. "You want some company?" She's wearing her sweatpants and zip-up sweatshirt hoodie.
Lyn looks up blearily from the manual and blinks a little. "Oh, hey." Her answer is in the form of a non-committal shrug as she tosses the book aside. "You look like I feel."
Cate takes the absence of a 'frak off' as invitation enough, and slides into the pew beside Lyn. "Nah, I think I've got to give the shitty day crown to you this time." She tilts her head. "Heard you got into a row with Ingvar."
"If it was just Ingvar, it would have been different. It was him and Walker. Nothing like being ambushed in the frakking head and confronted about everything you thought had already been settled," Lyn says with a snort. She puts her feet on the edge of the pew to draw her knees up to her chin. Disrepectful of the chapel maybe, but right now, she is fresh out of fraks to give. "The things he said, accused me of." She shakes her head. "Neither of them seem to have any idea what it's like to have a mental breakdown, bad enough to need 6 weeks in lock up for therapy. He still acts like the things I did were because I wanted to, not because something was broken in my head."
Cate considers the words for a long moment, her lips tightening. "What do you believe?" she asks simply.
"I think he just wants to be the one who did nothing wrong, even though he never tried to contact me either. I think he just wants to feel righteous and have no guilt for moving on. He basically pointed out that I was a terrible person and Walker is perfect, in many more screaming words." Lyn scrubs her face. "I'm considering a transfer. I was doing all right. Starting to put things to right in my head. But I can't do that if they're going to keep beating me down every time I start to stand up." She glances over. "So what's your deal today?"
"Look, Arda," Cate begins gently. "I'm not going to pretend it's easy, but if you can come back from having your whole planet getting destroyed, everything you went through... you can handle some snark from your ex and his new girl. Frak what they think." She apparently has no qualms about swearing in the chapel. She doesn't answer the question back about herself, just shrugging a little.
"That's why I'm just considering it. Haven't made a decision yet. I've been seeing Doc Anders. He was the one who treated me after Aquaria, helped a lot. I'm giving him a chance to help me put myself back together," Lyn admits. She runs one hand through her messy hair. The woman needs a shower and about 20 hours of sleep. "But stop avoiding the question. I've spilled my messy, disgusting guts all over you, time to return in kind."
"Good. Gotta take care of yourself," Cate says with a nod, no apparent judgment at her deciding to talk to the other doctor. "But listen. I've been where Jonas is. Having someone you love just up and leave you. Even if they had their reasons... that can really mess you up. Not saying he's right, but... don't forget that he's hurting too. People lash out when they're hurting. Especially if they feel guilty too." Cate sighs when Lyn presses her about what's wrong. "Just not thrilled about going back to Picon. Lots of bad memories there."
"Yeah well, if anyone's life was ruined by what happened between Jonas and I, I'm pretty sure the guy with the younger, hotter blonde who is his perfect partner is not the one who got the short end of the stick," Lyn says with a smirk. She narrows her eyes at Cate. "What happened to you on Picon?"
Cate shrugs a bit at the first comment, then frowns at the second. "What didn't?" she says with a sigh.
"Come on now, you know all my dirty secrets, you need to hold up your end of the friends bargain, Cate," Lyn says with a smirk. "But if I fall asleep while you're talking, it's just that I've been up for like 40 hours."
Cate offers a wan smirk. "It's a shitty bedtime story," she admits. Then, with a sigh, she says, "I was on vacation in Hyperion when the war started." The tale of the siege and eventual fall of Picon's capital made headlines about six months after the war began. The heroic but ultimately futile defense of PNAB Triton - the last bastion of human resistance in the besieged city. The horrific massacre when the pyramid arena there was firebombed by the Cylons with thousands of human prisoners trapped inside. "Saw some horrible, frakked-up shit. Lost my best friend." Her throat bobs there. "Fell for an ECO who broke my heart. Got hurt pretty bad." She hitches a shoulder and deadpans. "Best vacation ever."
Lyn actually reaches out to put an arm around Cate's shoulder and pull her in for a half hug. "That frakking sucks." She means it. No 'it'll get better's or 'I'm sorry for your loss's. Just the blunt truth. She lets out a breath. "Maybe you should talk to Anders too. That week I spent on Aquaria after the evac was called for, I saw things too. Things that still keep me up at night. Things that have come back to haunt me since Jonas appeared on the Vanguard. He might be able to help you with it."
Cate doesn't resist the hug, offering Lyn a wan, grateful smile. "Yeah. I mean - it's nothing like what you had to go through. Losing your whole planet and everything. But it did suck." When she mentions the doctor, Cate shrugs. "I'll be all right. I know the drill. And I've got my own support system." She nudges Lyn a little with her shoulder for emphasis. "But thanks."
"Oh gods above and below, don't make me a support system, Cate. I'm about 2 loose screws away from being in the nuthouse permanently at this point," Lyn says with a harsh laugh. "But I'll be happy to be a sounding board." She lets out a long, slow breath. "We've all lost, the magnitude is just as big for someone on Aerilon who lost a loved one in the military in this war, as it is for someone who lost a whole planet. Because it's what they know, what they hold dear, and to them, that one person may be their whole world."
"Oh, it's not all on you, don't worry. But hey, you're listening aren't you?" Cate offers a brief smirk, which fades as Lyn continues talking. "Yeah, I mean, it's all relative but it's not like they give out medals for who suffered the most."
"I think, maybe, we need to have a funeral," Lyn offers. "For our past relationships, for the loved ones we lost. Just a quiet farewell to try and move on. I have the letters I wrote Jonas, and the ring he got me, and the copy of the photo they had of my father at the Igloo on Scorpia. We need to take all that stuff to an airlock, say a few words, shed some tears, and blast it all into space." She ponders it thoughtfully. "Maybe Al will hold the service for us when his fast is done."
"I'm sure he would, if you wanted. I mean, everyone grieves in their own way," Cate says. Not put off by the idea, but not particularly enthused by it either.
"I think I'll ask Anders about it, see what he thinks. I've been hanging on to so many things from before, maybe they're a symbol of my not being able to let go and move on," Lyn explains.
Cate nods. "Yeah, I mean for me... I don't have much. What I have - I like that it reminds me of them." She offers a sad smile. "I dunno if you ever saw the photo in my locker. They were a pilot and an ECO - they were my best friends while I was on Picon."
"Maybe a copy of it? A symbolic gesture of acknowledging they were part of your life, and you need to live on to honor them?" Lyn offers. "I am so tired I'm psychobabbling now."
Cate shrugs. "If it works for you, go for it. Like I said, everyone grieves differently. The friends I lost - they don't weigh me down. It's the other shit. Though - Thad was still alive, last I knew. He was with one of the resistance groups down there."
"Maybe we'll run into him, and you can get some real closure. Just take it from me and don't ambush him in a public place for a screaming match." Lyn smiles wanly.
Cate smirks. "Nah I've got nothing to scream at him for. He was a friend. Raptor pilot. I had sorta a rebound thing for him for a hot minute, but he turned me down gently. Evan was the other one. The ECO. Now that was a complicated clusterfrak. But, y'know, in the grand scheme of things - city under siege, genocide, almost dying more times than I can count... seems pretty shitty to be hung up on what he did."
"Yeah, I guess you're right there. I wish I could just do that. I just have to figure out how." Lyn yawns and stretches, her back popping a half dozen times from the effort. "I think I might be finally tired enough to pass out in my rack. You'll be ok here?" she asks.
Cate shakes her head. "I said it seemed shitty, not that I didn't do it anyway. If I knew some magic trick for getting past it, believe me - I'd tell you." Then she nods. "I'll be all right. Get some sleep. And hey - if you can't, go see the doctor, all right?"
Lyn nods her head. "Only if you do the same," she calls, heading to the hatch with a wave of one arm as she goes.