2237-10-10 - So Close But So Far Away

Kell visits Astraea in the infirmary. She has trouble reconciling the real thing with the vision the cylons gave her.

Date: 2237-10-10

Location: Sickbay

Related Scenes: None

Plot: None

Scene Number: 1475

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The thing about morpha is you never quite know when you're just going to sleep a lot. That's the biggest thing that can keep visitors away. The person you want to see? Passed the frak out from drugs. Might as well wait until later. Such is how Astraea's first night and day in Sickbay went. Now she's descending into night two and the morpha has been cut off and it's just general pain killers... but still another night in observation to make sure all is well and that the infection that had set into the wound in her hand is under control.

This means boredom. The Raptor pilot is fidgety, but trying to be a good patient. Good patients get better food (in theory). And maybe get to leave sooner. Right now, she's just going through guncam footage on a portable vid player, though she's flitting from feed to feed and just passively observing what she sees.

Being turned away by nurses on his previous visit attempts is met with no complaints, which wouldn't surprise anyone when it comes to Kell's behavior. When he shows up, he's either wearing a flightsuit as he is has a mission later or in his usual pressed duty blues. This visit, the Viper pilot is in the latter, which also isn't a surprise as he wears it almost like a second skin. It appears that he is in luck as no nurses stop him and instead, they point him to her bed.
When he nears her bed, Kell calls out a cautious greeting, just in case Astraea had actually fallen asleep, "Nova?" As he approaches, he sees that she is actually awake and reviewing combat footage which causes him to raise his brows in surprise.

There's no semblance of being 'put together' to Astraea, but no one expects that of someone in sickbay, right? Especially someone who just recently went through what she did. She's at least in her own clothes; the classic dual-tanks. One can assume something more comfortable than BDUs beneath the blankets. Her hair, however, is a bit of a mess. Clean, but a mess. And then her right hand bandaged thoroughly; over her fingers and up her wrist. She looks up at Kell's voice, sharply, her breath catching tight in her chest. Her injured hand tightens and curls into a fist at seeing him, leading to a wince. She bites into her lip as she unfurls her fingers and reaches out with her left to pause the footage.

"Razor," she offers. Her voice is careful; uncertain. "Hi."

Kell's eyes goes to the injured hand that tightens into a fist along with the pained reaction, causing him to glance in the direction of the nurse he had passed earlier, "Need me to call a nurse to have her look at your hand again?" He asks, concern in his tone, his expression also a bit worried due to her guarded demeanor and also the pain. He doesn't approach any closer though, a bit hesitant since he isn't sure just how badly injured she was. He did hear that the Cylons messed with her head, messed with everyone's head, which is completely out of his realm of expertise.

"No, no nurse." Astraea gives a small shake of her head, eyes widening briefly. "It's... nice not bein' prodded at for a little while." She fidgets a bit, looking to the still image on the vid player. It's from the last combat she was in. "Jes'... uh, not used ta not usin' it yet," the Scorpian finally offers as a lame excuse.

Hearing her answer, Kell doesn't call out for one of the nurses to come tend to Astraea, her reasoning being sound to him. The excuse is also accepted at face value and his eyes shifts from the Raptor pilot to the vid player she was looking at, "You can probably take it easy for a few days, Nova. There is no need to over-exert yourself." Ironic words coming from the pilot that spends hours combing over footage and reports.

"You'd be doin' th' exact same thing," Astraea points out, smiling at Kell... before memories flash and she looks away again. The woman swallows, reaching out to touch the player's screen and return to the master folder for the footage. "It'll be a bit b'fore I can fly," she explains quietly, lifting her hand by way of explanation. "But I wanna be out there now. CAP. Transport. This seemed... th' closest I could get without tryin' ta bribe someone inta gettin' me a holoband."

Kell was about to protest that he wouldn't be but stops before the words leave his lips as he realizes that she is actually right. So with a somewhat sheepish look, he runs a hand through his hair, the other stay at his side, almost behind him. "You may be right on that... and I know what you mean. If I was laid up, I would be itching to get back out there again. Being forced to stay here feels too confining. But, as I am sure you have heard too many times already, take your time and recover fully before you hop back into a Raptor." As for using a holoband, he frowns slightly, "Hmm... want me to talk to the doctors to see when you can start using a holoband? Would be better than nothing if you're not cleared for active flight duty."

"Ya just wanna feel... useful an' normal." She'd do anything for normal at this point. Talking to Kell used to feel good. Used to brighten her day. Now she just remembers !Kell stepping out of that alley in front of her. !Kell acting... well, not like himself. She looks at Razor, then away again. Fear, briefly, passes her features. "M...maybe. I'm sure th' Ready Room could spare a set, but-" she fusses, needlessly, with the vidplayer. Opening and closing files. Desperate for some form of distraction. "Ya don't gotta, if ya don't have th' time."

Catching the quick look and the odd reaction, Kell is a bit concerned again but he tries not to show it, thinking that it is something she is recovering from. He obviously does not touch on the subject of what happened down on Sagittaron, feeling the subject is completely taboo and definitely in the 'too soon' zone. "I can find out, Nova, and drop by with a holoband if given the green light. Plenty of time right now, we have our usual CAP missions and Alert Fives, but so far Cylon activity has been minimal. At least compared to Picon or even Caprica."

"That'd be... that'd be nice." Astraea swallows again, giving a slow nod. "I'd appreciate it. I could ask th' doctors, but even if they say yes... ain't like I can jes' go an' grab one." She leans back into her pillows, closing her eyes. "Be good to have a... distraction from whenever they do a psych eval. Hurricane told me that's gonna be a thing." She grabs, briefly, at her hair with her good hand before opening an eye to look at Kell. "Any good Cylon takedowns while I was gone?"

When a psychological evaluation is mentioned, Kell isn't surprised at all that one would be administered. Not only does one have to be physically healthy when flying, but mentally stable as well. But he doesn't say any of what he is thinking, knowing that it wouldn't do Astraea any good to beat that fact over her, especially if she is feeling contained or caged in the sickbay. "I will bring a holoband here when I can, if they tell you to wait, just don't use it until you are ready, Nova." When she begins to close her eyes, Razor was about to excuse himself but with her question, his departure is delayed, "No, it's been pretty quiet. I wasn't able to get slotted on the rescue mission but the flight escortng the rescue Raptor had no problems keepiing the skies cleared."

"Might use it anyway, jes' for a change of scenery. Load in some nice ocean settin'. An' hope th' last user didn't load it wit' naked women." Astraea tries to smile, but it falters just as quickly. She takes a slow breath, opening both eyes more fully to regard Kell. "You tried t'be on th' mission?" There's a beat where she seems about to say -- or ask -- more, but instead she just swallows and leaves it there. The words sit heavily and the woman pushes herself upright with her elbows, reaching for cup of water on the bedside table.

Kell can't help but snicker at Astraea's humor, a rarity for him. "I don't think the Marines have gotten into our holobands yet, Nova, or have any interests. Though maybe they didn't know they could load those types of programs in, with some help, they tend to stick to the magazines." As for her question, he arches a brow slightly as if surprised by her question, "Of course, I think each one of us wanted to be included on that mission but they could only slot so many. You would do the same for me... you've done the same for me." He corrects himself, remembering when he went down back on Picon. When Astraea rises to get herself the cup of water, Kell actually intercedes and takes it first to help her.

When Razor actually laughs -- snickers -- at the joke, Astraea just stares at him for a moment. Long enough that it's probably noticeable. As is the concern that furrows her brow in the end. She takes a sudden breath, nodding. "Yeah- yeah, prob'ly." A loss for words, but casting out a few to fill the empty space. "I know, I jes'... I mean... it was mostly for Hawk, yeh? I know there can't have been... a lot of hope for me." She frowns, looking away. "Raptor destroyed as it was. I know how that looks." Pile of wreckage? She doesn't know if they were able to identify the bodies inside or not. When he helps her with the cup, she almost jerks her hands away... and in fact does just briefly. A very quick retraction before she forces herself to reach out and accept it with a murmured "Thanks."

When Kell watches Astraea shrug off her own importance with the squadron, the furrowed brow and frown returns, especially when she shys away from the proffered cup of water. Once more, there was a hesitation to his words, a pause before he speaks, "Why would we only be worried with just Hawk? We were concerned with the entire team that was lost, /you/ included Nova." There is a slight shake of head before he continues, "Those we lost are heavily felt, but we are glad that some of you made it back."

"I jes' mean..." Astraea struggles to regain herself, having a hard time looking at the Libran now. "Hawk's Viper crashed, but it was... th' sort ya could walk away from. My Raptor was destroyed by a rocket. I know how that looks. I know th' sorts of things we're told. That teams'll search, but don't get yer hopes up. Y'all found us 'cause Rhodes made it back." She shudders, holding tightly to the water once she has it. "Who knows how long th' brass would've waited or if they'd've ever come if she hadn't made it out."

Once more Kell shakes his head, disagreeing with Astraea's conclusions on how the situation was looked at, "Your Raptor ate a rocket, but it wasn't in the air when it happened." There is a pause before he actually nods his head, "It is true that Rhodes helped lead our team to you and the others, but the search was out." He won't mention that the Virgons did sort of give up, but the Colonial Forces never did. "And we don't need to wonder what-ifs. You're back with us, Nova, you're safe."

But is she safe? Seeing Kell, now... Alain had brought comfort the previous night. Addison, advice. Razor has brought only uncertainty and fear. Astraea watches him, quiet for a moment. She opens her mouth as if to speak a few times, but nothing comes out. Finally, she takes a long drink of the water before leaning to return the cup to where it sat. "I hope so," is what she finally manages to utter.

Kell isn't sure if Astraea's lack of response meant that she accepted his reasoning but he has some doubt that she has, especially with her demeanor and hesitation to speak further. The Viper pilot doesn't press further either, choosing the err on the side of caution when it comes to psychological injuries, perhaps feeling that walking on eggshells may be the best solution. This isn't a Raider he can shoot down. "I should go, Nova, you could certainly use the rest. I'll ask about the holoband."

Why couldn't she just accept what the Cylons offered her? For a brief second, Astraea finds herself thinking of then !Kell took her by the hand and finds herself wanting to reach out to this Kell. She almost does, even; one hand rising towards him a bit. She pulls her arm back in, drawing a shaking sort of breath. "I... I hope t'be released tomorrow, so if they say no, it's... it's fine."

That is the difference between this Kell and the !Kell, this one didn't realize that Astraea was reaching for his hand. He only watches on, unsure what she needs and when she lays back, he focuses on her words. "All right Nova, just remember not to rush it. Just rest and recover fully, there is always a place in the squadron for you." Offering a friendly nod of his head, Razor then turns to leave Nova alone so she can rest undisturbed.

"I'll do my best, but... it won't be right 'til I'm back out there." In the cockpit. Flying with everyone else. Nova watches Kell go, with only a small nod. She tries to hold out, she does, but the honest truth of it is that he may not be out of hearing range when she starts to cry. And if he should peek back, Astraea has drawn her knees up towards her chest and has buried her face against her forearms in an attempt -- though futile -- to muffle it.


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